it was like his penis was on wheels.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
did i walk over a car last night?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
