I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
