Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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