I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
