Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So many bounce houses so little time
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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