we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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