I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am available for nakedness
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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