I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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