"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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