no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
bring money and cleavage
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
