Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
