Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
