It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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