Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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