now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
