Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
