We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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