I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
