porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize