They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
