I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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