No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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