Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
