We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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