If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
