Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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