i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize