This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
