I hate your face
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
