she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
