DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
