Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
