lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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