I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
