this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
