I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
