too bad you live with your parents still
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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