PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
