Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
