I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
