I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
