My hand turned me down
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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