New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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