I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
