Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
