Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
