how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
