it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
