really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
