I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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