how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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