Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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