saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
