You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
