I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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