2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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