I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
