uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
