I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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