Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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