come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
