What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
