Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
