I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
