just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think my moral compass just broke
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
