i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
