Be still, my beating vagina.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize