yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
