He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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