In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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