foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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