So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
