yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
