Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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