Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
