I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
