I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
