My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
