is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
