im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize