the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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