Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
