I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
