She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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