No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
