just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
